Choking on a Gingrich

Ross Douthat, resident preppie of The New York Times op-ed pages, regales us this morning with a tale of choking on his cocktail(s) and hors d'oeuvre back when Newt Gingrich crashed and burned during his penultimate presidential campaign. (Ross has to make sure we know that he is a member of the Beltway media elite, and that they sometimes chuckle at parties with their mouths full, just like the rest of us). In his best pseudo-intellectual fashion, Ross now proclaims The Second Coming of Newt.

Nan Socolow, in turn, gagged on a Douthat, but managed to turn out this comment anyway:

Gingrich Redux!  The Second Coming of Newt Gingrich!  So there you were, Mr. Douthat, swilling martinis, scarfing pricey canapes high on the hog at a Washington DC GOP cocktail party.  And everyone was giggling at the prospect of Newt's return to the Republican cosmos?  And then there were the polls - media-hyped with the intensity that has typified our bizarro political mondo of today - and Newt got a BUMP in the polls (I see a python swallowing a big pig, that kind of bump)!  So what?  This Poll Bump was preceded by all the other bumps - Trump, Christie, Palin, Pawlenty, Santorum, Bachmann, Perry, Paul, Cain, all gone down in flames, all toast now. 

And you announce that Newtie is framing 2012 in manichean terms.  Why treat us to the polysyllabic word "manichean" instead of saying that Newt's present GOP ethos is just the early Iranian struggle between the Power of Good (the Tea Party?) and the Power of Evil (Guess who?).  Manichean doesn't cut the mustard. 

Alas, despite his demeanor as a handsome Big Cheese, Romney is unelectable. All the other Right Wing contenders are crashing and burning and soon Romney will be the Cheese standing alone.  And you think Newt Gingrich is electable?  If his bump is anything more than the usual pig in a python of GOP politics I'll eat my flipflops.

Newtie is the perfect Cerberus, the dog with big heads guarding the Underworld of the Extreme Right and not allowing anyone to escape.  And as for Gingrich's chances of winning the Presidency (or even the nomination next summer), with his checkered background and gynormous blots on his copybook - several wives, several religions, his essential narcissism and Tiffany line of credit, his chances are slim to none.  As Porky Pig used to laugh and stutter at the end of Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies cartoons - "e-be-dee, e-be-dee, th- th- that's all folks!"



Newterus at the Right-Wing Gates (graphic by Kat Garcia)