Barack the Bizarre

So, I was only half paying attention to the latest who-dissed-who crap in Washington yesterday, with Obama and Boehner playing dueling playdates again.  The usual "I'm the adult and you're not, so there!" stuff that the people suffering through one of the worst natural disasters in American history couldn't care less about, especially since about a million are still without electricity, internet and cable.

Tropical Storm Irene and mass disaster have been flooded out by "Boehner Stiffs Obama on Joint Session!" on the front pages.  People at the end of their ropes have been replaced by pundits gasping "Is Obama Playing a Game of Rope-a-Dope over Speech?"  and "This Has Never Happened Before in the History of American Political History" hysteria.

So late last night I had just finished writing my "Eric the Dread" post about how Cantor doesn't care about disaster victims, when I decided to check my email one last time before turning in.  There was a message from "Barack" with the title "Frustrated".  Wow, I thought to myself, the president is writing to all the people in the federal disaster zones to offer us a few crumbs of presidential sympathy. But was I ever wrong.  Here is what he (or a campaign flunky) wrote:

Karen --

Today I asked for a joint session of Congress where I will lay out a clear plan to get Americans back to work. Next week, I will deliver the details of the plan and call on lawmakers to pass it.

( I didn't get what I wanted so I am bitching to you. I am also not making you privy to any of my so-called plans. They suck, but my soaring rhetoric can make anything sound good.  You'll just have to wait).

Whether they will do the job they were elected to do is ultimately up to them.

( I am running against the generic Congress, not the Republican Congress, or even against any of the Republican candidates. If you don't get your precious jobs bill, it's all on those Democrats and Republicans -- not me. I am completely ignoring the progressive emergency Jobs Bill introduced by Democratic Rep. Jan Schakowsky. Whether I do the job I was elected to do is not ultimately up to me.  It's somebody else's fault. It's my job that is ultimately at stake here).

But both you and I can pressure them to do the right thing. We can send the message that the American people are playing by the rules and meeting their responsibilities -- and it's time for our leaders in Congress to meet theirs.

(Triangulate with the voters against Generic Congress.  Invite them to join my exclusive "Adults Only" VIP Club of Populist Insiders.  Break out in a rendition of Helen Reddy's "You and Me Against the World.")

And we must hold them accountable if they don't.

(Or else.... what?  Send them to their rooms?)

So I'm asking you to stand with me in calling on Congress to step up and take action on jobs.

No matter how things go in the weeks and months ahead, this will be an important challenge for our organization.

(Put Country before Party, but Organization ("Obama for America") before Country).

It's been a long time since Congress was focused on what the American people need them to be focused on.

I know that you're frustrated by that. I am, too.

(I pretend that my base of purist idealogues is not at all frustrated with Moi.  If they can no longer worship me, I shall play the Pity Card).

That's why I'm putting forward a set of bipartisan proposals to help grow the economy and create jobs -- that means strengthening our small businesses, giving needed breaks to middle-class families, while taking responsible steps to bring down our deficit.

(Even though I just called out Congress for being a bunch of whiney brats, I shall still cling to my bipartishit delusions.  Oh, and growing the economy and creating jobs is code for Trickle Down Reaganomics.  I know, I know, it's been debunked as a theory, but maybe if I keep repeating it over and over and over, I will make it so.  And I simply can't discuss jobs without taking those responsible steps to slash your social safety net.  I need an adult plan that has to be grand to calm down the Markets.  We're in this together, you and I.  The Markets rule all of us, so let's be team players and go along to get along, ok?)

I'm asking lawmakers to look past short-term politics and take action on that plan. But we've got to do this together.

I will deliver this message to Congress next week, but I'm asking you to stand alongside me today: (inserts link simply requesting name and email only).

(A ploy by my campaign to see just how dwindling my base of support really is).

More to come,

Barack

I don't know if Ezra Klein saw a copy of this missive, but he sounded about as disgusted as I've ever heard him this morning:

To paraphrase economist Brad DeLong, last night was one of those nights when you remember that even taking into account the fact that our political system is performing worse than you could possibly imagine, it's performing worse than you can possibly imagine. Washington has made many more consequential missteps than this one. But few of them have been so thoroughly depressing, so insistent on showing us us, with brutal clarity, what the greatest nation in the world has come to.

Read his whole post. I think it's time we all get together and start our own mass triangulation movement.  This is no longer about Republican vs. Democrat.  This is all about Them vs. Us.  You know.... the Class War.