Pay to Enter to Win the Future

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better.....  (the crossed-out bits are from the original draft of the email, which I fished out of a dumpster.  It was hard going, because there were a dozen FBI agents with me, ploughing through all kinds of stuff thrown out by regular, innocent citizens):

Karen -- 

My campaign operatives have forced me to pretend to sacrifice I've set aside my precious valuable time for four supporters like you to join me for dinner.

My campaign always   Most campaigns fill their dinner guest lists primarily with Washington lobbyists and special interests.

We did absolutely didn't get here doing that, and we're not going to stop start now. We're running a schizophrenic different kind of campaign.  We have got one campaign for the big Wall Street and corporation folks and a pretend grass-roots one for the little people. We don't take money from Washington lobbyists or special-interest PACs -- we never have, and we never will.  Pay no attention to the New York Times article the other day about the big dinner I have planned with The Wall Street banksters.  Pay no attention to reports that we have a special program in the DNC enabling us to take anonymous donations from lobbyists, special-interest PACs, even foreign governments.  We have to out-innovate and out-compete Karl Rove.  We have to beat him by joining him.  We have to deal with conditions on the ground as we find them. 

We rely on everyday Americans to keep drinking my Kool-Aid giving whatever they can afford -- and I want to spend as little time as possible with a as few of you. as I decently can.

So if you make a donation today, you'll be automatically entered for a chance to be one of the four supporters to sit down with me for dinner. Odds of winning will be about one in 1,000,000,000.  Odds of me having to cancel dinner and replace me with a White House intern due to a trumped up national security issue will be 99 out of 100.  Please donate $15 or more today:

We'll pay for your taxable to you flight and the dinner excluding tip -- all you need to bring is your story and your ideas and the names and email addresses and phone numbers of a hundred close friends and relatives about how we can continue to make this a better country for me Americans.

This won't be a formal affair. I know there's 9.1 percent unemployment and it costs plenty for regular folks to buy new clothes at Walmart. It's the kind of casual meal among friends that I don't debase myself get to have as often as I'd like anymore, so I hope you'll consider joining me and hundreds of press people for a one-minute photo op before I have to head to my real dinner with the bankers at the Four Seasons.

I'm not asking you to donate today just so you'll be entered for a chance to meet me. I'm asking you to say you believe unquestioningly in my personality cult in the kind of politics that gives marginal people like you a seat at the table -- whether it's the dinner table with me or the table where decisions are made about what kind of country we want to be or whether it's the table where your Social Security or Medicare will be cut and my tax cuts for millionaires and billionaires and corporations will be extended through eternity.

It starts with a gift of whatever you can afford.

Please make a donation of $15 today, and we'll throw your name in the garbage hat for the upcoming dinner:

I've said before that I want people like you to shape this campaign from the very beginning -- and this is a chance for only four people ever to share their ideas directly with me. I will do my usual best to pretend to care.

Hope to see your pathetic paltry check you soon,

Barack (when I ask for money we're on a folksy first name basis)